Yeeeeeeey!! Uite, bă, de ce e amuzant să-ţi faci curat prin fişiere. Am găsit un interviu vechi pe care îl făcusem cu Karen Martin, o autoare americană, la lansarea în limba română a volumului ei “Cum să-ţi găseşti o stăpână” – o iniţiere în BDSM. În revistă, a apărut cam jumătate din el (din lipsă de spaţiu). Eu zic că nici varianta integrală nu e chiar de lepădat.
LL: How old were you when you discovered your kinky instincts? How did you realize you were being kinky?
KAREN: At about five years old, I discovered that if I closed my eyes and thought about spanking or being spanked, I could rub myself and feel really good. The problem was that if I ever did get a real spanking, which I’d only seen on television and in picture books, it was supposed to be from Papa, and even a young child knows that getting sexually excited about your father is wrong. Consequently, to hide being a very evil child, I was a very good girl and at the top of my class. I never was in trouble, but I continued to be the “bad girl” in the privacy of my bedroom. I was the good daughter, the good wife, the good mother, and then one day I saw an advertisement in Utne Reader for Stand Corrected, a spanko magazine, and realized I was not alone. By the time I was a good grandmother, I knew what I wanted, and the Internet helped me to find a spanko group near my home. I was forty-eight before I’d ever been spanked, and a year older before I spanked my first gentleman.
LL: Publishing a book about domination is like coming out of the closet. What did your mom say?
KAREN: Although Mom had passed away by the time I came out, I know she would have been supportive. My father had remarried at seventy-five, so coming out to them was more of a risk. I never doubted I’d have unconditional love, but I was concerned about their level of acceptance. Papa and Mama have a copy of my book, and because they like Robert, they are handling my dominance in our relationship. As with any vanilla father who has a wonderful 50-50 relationship, he would prefer I have the same. He wants me to be safe, happy and productive, though, and I am.
To check my assumptions, I called Papa, now eighty-nine, who said it was fairly obvious where the dominance was between Robert and me. I had chosen my subculture, not his, but it didn’t shake him up. In addition, there was nothing in the book that could not be transferred to any other relationship. He was pleased Romania would honor me by translating the book. I’m happy with his level of acceptance, because I’m kinky, and every day I choose a kinky lifestyle.
LL: Kinkiness is more like a necessity, or more like entertainment?
KAREN: Both. It depends upon who is in front of me. I am just as likely to brat a spanko and struggle to swat him before he swats me as I am to allow a fetishist to sit on the floor and let him worship my feet. Those experiences are for entertainment, which is a wonderful benefit of being polyamorous. No one has to be alone in this kinky world.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, it is necessary that I have my slave, Robert Rubel, in my life. He is a dominant in his own right, but submissive to me, and that is how we like it. Because we have chosen one another, and we are willing to work on our relationship every day of our lives, we have been able to write books, to act as mentors for kinky folks, to live abroad, and to survive a year’s separation when I had to return home to take care of my son. I do not play with Robert. I do not collar him. I do not write contracts for him. I simply own him, and together we create the world in which we wish to live.
LL: Which is your favorite kinky game?
KAREN: I have two. The first is public, and the second is private. I adore going to the All State Spanko Party. Over a hundred of us gather in Dallas or San Antonio for a weekend of spanking fun. Everyone dresses to the theme, whether it’s College Rush or Roaring Twenties or Pirate Island. We make certain everyone who wants to play has the opportunity, and we are there to bond with one another in a sacred space just for us. We have group spanking events with lots of silly role play and games. I realize it doesn’t sound like an event for a Mistress, but we are real people, and we get to be silly when we desire. We are also delightfully sadistic and inventive. The highlight of the weekend is the Naughty Boys Party, and I usually attend in fifties garb, whether it is as the school nurse, the scout leader or a very disappointed auntie in furs.
The second kinky game is usually private. I adore taking a vibrant, dynamic, self assured male and turning him into a wonderfully submissive girlfriend or a demure sissy maid. Once I created a weekend retreat where six of us went to a consignment shop to find that perfect evening outfit. Then I had a staff of make up artists help with hair and cosmetics. I offered voice and movement lessons. Those, who wished to, served at dinner, and we topped it off with a night of barhopping.
During these activities, slave Robert is free to pursue his own kinky interests elsewhere, and he has several, none of which interests me.
LL: Your book, “How to Capture a Mistress” is a practical guide, rather than a work of fiction. Do you ever intend to continue your career as a writer with any fictional stories or by approaching any other subjects?
KAREN: I studied science fiction and romance writing before tackling the self help book. When I was still the good mother in a vanilla relationship, I wrote a romance novel deemed too edgy by the well known publishing houses. The heroine was too submissive, and the hero was too dominant. Comedy was out and high powered executive women were in vogue. Romance is great fun to write, and I’d try it again with a Mistress as the heroine.
I am currently writing a screenplay, a comedy-drama about a young man who needs a heart transplant and takes a temp job as a counselor of a group home for people who are handicapped. My son needs a heart transplant, so I want to promote organ donation. Someday I’ll write the kinky nursing home screenplay I’ve been playing with.
A couple of times a week, we toss around ideas about kinky books we’d like to write. It’s how the process gets started, and I encourage anyone who wants to write to learn how and take it in small, achievable steps.
LL: Did you, as a writer, attend public readings? How did the average American react?
KAREN: I live in Texas. This is the center of the conservative Bible Belt in which I doubt I would make many sales, but I might just make the headlines. I have done readings and seminars at kinky events, but never in the vanilla setting, because it is too difficult to control the variable of undisciplined children wandering in and snatching misinformation. Ours is not a child’s world on any level. How to Capture a Mistress was written to mentor a very special group of treasured gentlemen and for the dominant ladies who will guide them on their journeys toward surrender. Currently, I am working with our local ClubFem group to create a weekend retreat for gentlemen wishing to learn the tools they will need to serve.
LL: Do you ever, under any circumstances, imagine yourself back in a vanilla relationship?
KAREN: Oh, I’m polyamorous, so if the guy can make it through all of my other filters (employment, code of honor, lifelong learning, etc), and we have a special bond, I would consider it. The problem, of course, is that I cannot meet his restricted conception of what I should be. It would take a very special vanilla man to accept slave Robert. And, he isn’t going anywhere.
.
LL: How do you see yourself at the age of 80?
KAREN: Robert and I do this type of exercise frequently, and I expect anyone who spends time with me to be able to discuss aging. What we do today influences what age 80 will look like. I stay in shape, I eat well, I study Spanish and I write. At 80, I’ll be doing the same thing and will have many successes to show for it. It is imperative that I discipline myself first, before I can consider leading others. Am I happy about it? Not particularly. I am just now learning to cook healthy meals, I fuss when I sweat, and I cannot believe that a woman as intelligent as I am can’t master Spanish verb conjugation.
At age 80, I will be traveling abroad with a gourmet chef, a personal trainer who can bully me (at my discretion) into staying in shape, and a tutor who can speak both Spanish and Chinese. Robert will be at my side and some hot little number with a Matron Fetish will be at my feet. Age 80 is going to rock.
LL: Your longtime relationship with Robert J. Rubel is also widely-circulated. Would the two of you write a common book about the history of a successful slavery?
KAREN: Every morning, Robert serves me breakfast precisely the way I like it, and we construct our day. Today’s topic of discussion was the above question, “Shall we write a book about the history of our successful slavery?”
He replied, “Mistress, in all due respect, who would read it?”
My point exactly. We write books that help others to achieve their dreams.
We are currently collaborating on a workbook to accompany his book: Squirms, Screams, and Squirts: Handbook for going from great sex to extraordinary sex. Playboy Online picked it as their number one book recommendation for Valentines Day 2008, and it is available on Amazon.com, along with his Master/slave series. Obviously, the workbook shall be great fun to write.
Instead of the history of a successful slavery, we would love to write an advice column for a few years before compiling another self help book on kinky relationships.
Aha, deci asta-i explicatia fetishului OFC (Omu’ făr’ de coaie) din ce in ce mai raspandit prin mediul pizdos. 😉
Plm, unele il descopera pe Domnul&Mantuitorul nostru (Iisus Christos n.m.), la altele se arata doamna mă-sa (Mary Virgin n.m.) iar celor alese 😉 li se infatiseaza Karen Martin!
O blestem sa n-aiba parte de pula competitiva in vecii vecilor. Amin.
Măi, din cât de relaxată şi regină-felină era, eu cred că a avut parte de mai multă first quality dick (haha, era să scriu fist quality dick, de ce oare :D), decât ai văzut tu pizde. Alea ciordite de pe dc++ şi torente included.
hai mă leși? a citit și ea cum că primele instincte auto/erotice apar undeva între 5 și 7 ani ca să reapară cu mai multă siguranță după 12 și îmi vinde mie amintirea ei de mică pervesitate a avelei vârste! fugi mă d-aci!
și apoi cu tot femme-dom -ul cultivat de abia la 50 să ne lese; ori îți nutrești natura de la bun început ori te cultivi pe tine cu weed wackers și ratatox. s-a aflat pe sine și s-a descoperit lumii!eu zic că a găsit pe dracu!
bine că eşti tu cititor de gânduri şi mare psiholog wannabe.
‘ete nah! e părerea mea! și sunt un wannabe fin psiholog. ăia mari să descopere chestiile pe care eu numai le scurm în vârful movilei de rahat pe care îl defecăm prin însuși cercul strâmt al propriilor vieți.
da, exact, un wannabe fin psiholog. un om care se chinuie să pară fin psiholog.
problema ştii care e? că dacă emiţi românisme de-astea de “da, bă, se dădea şi ea aşa-şi-pe-dincolo”, numai fin psiholog nu reuşeşti să pari. semeni mai degrabă cu moşii burtoşi care sparg seminţe în faţa blocului şi se dau experţi în politică şi fotbal. şi ăia au fix aceeaşi fineţe.
care parte a comunicării în care viețile noastre( unde noastre înseamnă a mea, a lui eu și a lui sine, aia pen’că mi-e mai ușor să vorbesc despre mine la plural) luau textura unui rahat ți-a sugerat cum că aș fi fost atât de plin de importanță, ca să dai frâu unor comparații atât de dureroase în veridicitatea lor? hă? unde?
numai că mă lipesc a naibii de tălpi și pfiu! ce puuut! de mă calci.
în altă ordine de idei …. nu e oarecum evidentă invidia pentru persoana în cauză? da mai e timp….
dacă reciteşti comentariul meu cu numărul 6, o să vezi că ţi-am spus în care parte a comunicării ai sugerat comparaţia. nu îmi place să predic de două ori pentru babe surde.
PS: invidia cui pentru cine?
acum cât se poate de serios… această femeie se dă așa-și-pe-dincolo (mersi!că nu știam că așa s-ar scrie) pentru că asta este ea. este o persoană cu o plăcere nu comună, este o persoană pentru care a ieși dintre restul este o trebuință, mai mult decât o dorință deci – dorință pe fiecare o nutrim – și care nu stă pe cur ca restul. așa că da! se dă așa-și-pe-dincolo.
acum că eu atribui o valoare de rău acestui fapt e opinia mea. mi-am exprimat-o și atât. vrei să mi-o susțin?!
și invidia este tot pentru cea pe care o dezaprob!
ăsta sunt eu: omul cu j’de-mii de păreri și fețe și nici una a mea/lui.
ok, de-abia asta este o părere exprimată cu fineţe. bravo, eşti pe drumul cel bun.
și uite așa îmi scarmăn un pic perna, mă rotesc de vreo 2 ori pe pat și oftând fericit mă prefac că am să dorm!
și în rest, dacă nu zic că sunt serios, vezi avatarul meu… cam ăla-s: pentagonul neserios, în genere obtuz.
and i’m saying it all just because i don’t enjoy being cornered by having been talked into submission. *wink*
Si eu de cand eram copil mic am avut o pasiune deosebita pentru spanking. Inainte de internet, benzile desenate si desenele animate erau sursele principale pentru asemenea materiale, destul de rare, dar odata ce am descoperit lumea internetului, situatia s-a schimbat complet. Chiar am descoperit un numar de site-uri romanesti dedicate spanking-ului, deci si la noi exista un anumit interes pentru acest fetis.
şi ce făceai? te ascundeai şi tu sau căutai să generezi conflicte, să fii bătut?
De data asta nu vreau sa citesc nici unul dintre comentariile de sub text inainte de a-ti spune prima mea impresie, Lorena.
Speechless. Intr-adevar, doamna imi pare o persoana cu o cunoastere si stima de sine exact acolo unde trebuie sa fie. Hotarita, voluntara, dar si volubila, placuta. Mi-o imaginez sclipitoare ca orice femeie multumita de ea insasi, de viata ei si de oamenii din jurul ei. Nu ma astept insa la reactii pozitive in mediul romanesc. De obicei, oamenii care au reactii pozitive la asemenea lucruri, carti/interviuri ale/cu practicanti de BDSM, prefera sa taca in public in Romania.
Situatia subiectelor BDSM in State mi se pare comica. Exista comunitati, carti se scriu si se publica, totusi, “Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders” inca inscriu practicile erotice de tip dominare/disciplinare-submisivitate/supunere la capitolul “parafilie”. Cu toate acestea, exista voci care pledeaza pentru a indrepta lucrurile si a exclude paragrafele respective, total nemotivate. Psihoterapeutul specializat pe terapie in probleme legate de sexualitate Charles Moser a scris citeva articole foarte bune in acest sens.
Stii ce mi-a placut cel mai mult din tot interviul? Ideea aceea ca, pentru a domina si controla pe altcineva, trebuie sa ai un autocontrol extraordinar.
Am citit si comentariile si mi-am dat seama ca n-am pierdut nimic. Romanisme, vorba ta, Lorena, fix asa cum ma asteptam.
Merci ca ai publicat interviul acesta. Toti avem de invatat din el, daca trecem dincolo de context. De exemplu din cum se vede ea la 80 de ani. 🙂
speechless am fost şi eu când am făcut interviul. speechless & charmed.
“şi ce făceai? te ascundeai şi tu sau căutai să generezi conflicte, să fii bătut?”
Pai, placeam sa dau bataie, nu sa primesc, deci eu mai debraba am cautat pretexte pentru a pedepsi fetele din jurul meu. In special cu verisoara mea jucam de obecei destul de violent (lucru valabil pentru amandoi), deci am avut destule ocazii sa o plesnesc peste fund (de mai multe ori) cand a depasit masura si a avut nevoie de corectii. Iar ea a acceptat pedeapsa fara plangeri, palmele peste fund facand parte din joc.
aha, înţeleg. fiind băieţii mai violenţi de felul lor, a părut un joc de copii.
când ţi-ai dat seama că e mai mult de atât?
Greu de spus, era de la inceput ceva excitant pentru mine, de asemenea am dorit totdeauna sa merg mai departe cu bataia (chiar daca nu am facut-o), adica sa dau mai multe lovituri, s-o bat pe verisoara mea la fundul gol, cu mai multa putere, pentru un timp mai indelungat s.a.m.d. In acelasi timp eu habar n-aveam despre sex, iar bataia la fund era o pasiune precum orice alta (doar ca era neobisnuita, de asta am tinut-o semi-secreta).